Last week Thursday was my last day of work before we launch for the World Race in January. I’ve been looking forward to the World Race and everything that this new season of life encompasses for so long and this day is just one step closer to this new season becoming reality. However, Wednesday night I found myself in my feels. All of the excitement was lost. Some of my friends from work had thrown together a surprise Zoom get together for me Wednesday evening and it left me reflecting on how blessed I was by this job and the people it brought into my life over the past few years.

I’m normally not one to acknowledge or express my emotions but it’s something I’m working to grow in myself. I challenged myself that night, write what you’re feeling. For what felt like an eternity (realistically probably like an hour haha) I sat in front of my computer with a blank word doc open and wrote nothing. I just sat in my thoughts. To my surprise, what came next was a letter. Even weirder, a letter to myself.

So here you go. In an effort to be fully transparent about my feelings and this journey I’m about to embark on, here’s my letter to myself, in word and video form.

“This is it. Your last day of work before the World Race. You’ve been looking forward to this one.

So why so sad? 

Where did that excitement go? 

Remember a month ago when you were so ready to be done? When the work never seemed to stop piling up and you just wanted out? When you had to be convinced not to quit just yet, to finish and finish well.

Where’s that excitement now?

You’ve been thinking of this day in excitement for the last 13 months. You’ve been wanting a time to focus solely on ministry. To focus solely on loving others and your relationship with the Lord. But it’s scarier than you thought.

Think of all you’re giving up: your job, your home, friends, family, a year of your life.

So this is what you feel called to do?

Then step into it.”